Morphine
by Roxy2
Summary: Who do you call when everyone you love goes away? ALT- Season Seven 'Buffy' PLEASE READ - COMMENTS NEEDED


Title: "Morphine" Feedback: uAlways/u nice... Pairing: Xander/Faith Rating: R Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters relating to BTVS. They belong to Joss, WB and any of their associates.  
  
bFaith's POV - Chapter One/b  
  
iIt's been at least five-hundred and twenty-seven days. /i  
  
I used to make little marks on the jail cell wall with a rock I found. It's something you see all the fugitives do in the movies and on TV. Some of the marks faded away, others, I'm sure are done from years ago.  
  
I have a roommate. For the longest time I didn't, because last time I had one I broke her jaw. I spent seven days in a solitary cell after that.  
  
When you're in a solitary cell they treat you like crap. You're like the scum on the bottom of the sewer. Guards; depending which guards are on duty, are tempted to beat you with a crowbar till you bleed. You're secluded and you lose all that you've earned so far, except you gain respect from the other prisoners.  
  
It wasn't my first time in a solitary cell.  
  
I don't usually get visitors here. It was a shock when you came, I'm sure you can imagine...  
  
I mean, I expected Angel to visit. Fang there doesn't give up on anyone. I think it's because people gave up on him. You don't like him much though so I don't bring it up.  
  
I took a seat at the glass and pick up the phone to speak to you. I hide the surprise on my face.  
  
"Hey." I croak out in a Bostanian accent.  
  
"Hey, Faith... How've you been?"  
  
I go against telling you about the first few weeks being here.  
  
"Not bad, Five-by-five."  
  
"Probably should have known you'd say that." you drawl out as your dark hair falls into the similar dark eyes you have.  
  
"Probably..." I nod.  
  
There's an awkward silence in between our words as if we're old friends just waiting for new things to say to each other, but we were never old friends. I doubt the possibility of us ever being even friends. Maybe, now; but never, then. I find myself wishing for this possibility.  
  
We're still quiet as I notice something dark in your eyes, beyond the fact that they're a deep brown. You look pensive, and I've always been able to read people. I'm sure I can read you. I know when you get scared, your lips tighten until they turn white. You're not scared, it's somethin' else.  
  
"Somethin's wrong?" I have to ask.  
  
"Isn't something always wrong?" you ask as you shake your head.  
  
My lungs tighten, and I feel like I can't breathe.  
  
"B?"  
  
"Faith..." your voice seems to crack like maybe it has a million papercuts.  
  
And I hear your words, but I could have predicted it.  
  
"She's dead."  
  
I let out a laugh unintentionally and you look at me as if you'd have the nerve to kill me.  
  
My laugh slowly turns into a painful cry. For the first time this year I'm crying. Hot tears stream down my face and I know I'm gonna get beat up later for bein' such a damn crybaby.  
  
You stay as I cry, you look surprised at the sudden rush of emotion as if I was incapable of hurting.  
  
It's all I've ever done, just not like this.  
  
I cover my face to hide from your stare.  
  
iOh, god... She's dead... she's actually dead./i My thoughts are muddled and it hasn't even hit me yet that Buffy's not there to kick my ass.  
  
I hear your voice on the line as my cries calm into just silent tears. Your voice is calm, and soft; you've already dealt with this.  
  
"Shh..." You say, "It's okay."  
  
"Really?" I scoff in disbelief. "You wouldn't be here if--" I start.  
  
"No, Faith..." You give a breath, "We need your help."  
  
I taste the end of my salty tears in my mouth, this time I breally/b laugh.  
  
"You've really gone of your rocker, haven't ya?" I snort at the idea of this member of the scooby gang losin' it, "Kinda have to ask that in the next two decades when my parole comes up..."  
  
"I don't care." You angrily reply, and I know you mean business. I notice a small scar above your eyebrow that wasn't there before.  
  
"She's not the only one who died..." I whisper, my voice low.  
  
"No, she's not."  
  
"Angel, Giles... Red..." I trail off, my eyes wide.  
  
"They're all dead." you reply flatly.  
  
"Except you."  
  
"I ran." You whisper, "I ran as they died."  
  
"Been there."  
  
"I know. That's why it has to be you."  
  
I take a deep breath before telling you to step away from the glass. You knock over the chair as you pull away from the glass. I let out that breath before I dive head first through the glass, I roll before slappin' around the little security that Stockton's Woman's Penitentionary has.  
  
I grab you so close to me that we're pressed together. It's been a while since we've been like this, and we go crashing through the window onto a car. A Honda. I land on my back because my bones'll heal faster then yours. We roll off the car.  
  
"You okay, Xander?" I ask.  
  
"Five-by-five." you seem to croak out as I grab your hand to run with me.  
  
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bXander's POV - Chapter Two /b  
  
iCrashing through a window is never fun. I'll remember that for the next time I try to get a convicted felon out of jail. /i  
  
I have a few cuts from where the glass shattered against me. I look over to Faith and she barely has a scratch on her, she's lucky she has slayer strength.  
  
Me; I'm just human, although I've wished for super powers myself about a million times. It comes with having a best friend as a witch, who dated a werewolf. Another best friend who's a slayer and had a habit of falling for vampires. And Faith... Well, she always just been Faith. Super Psychotic Ex- Con Slayer, who I just broke out of jail.  
  
God, what was I thinking?  
  
Maybe I was the psychotic one... It could be possible. Things haven't been the same since they died. God, sometimes it hurts so much to think of it that it chokes me up.  
  
I close my eyes and feel Faith pulling me along. I just now remember that we rushed from the top floor of a prison into a car in the parking lot. It's not half as bad as it looks, probably because Faith broke the fall.  
  
"You have a ride?" she asks, more awake and alert.  
  
It takes a minute to break through the daze.  
  
"Uh... Yeah." I mumur.  
  
She gives me a look as if I'm going far too slowly.  
  
"Well, babe... Hate to mention it... Security's gonna catch me if we don't get to it soon."  
  
The seventeen-year-old in me is stuck on the word, 'babe' and then I finally remember that I'm about ten years older then that. In a month I'll be Twenty-Seven.  
  
"Right." I nod quickly moving to unlock the car door with my keys. I'm thankful that we didn't land on it. "Get in." I direct her, and she follows through.  
  
iWhat? Faith is actually listening? And to me? /i  
  
She hooks into the passenger side and the seat belt clicks as it locks. I can hear her breath; it's heavy. She's nervous, but her breath slows as we continue on the road.  
  
"Have any clothing, by any chance, Xand?" She asks me as she looks down at her bright orange uniform.  
  
"Bag in the trunk, should have some of my clothing in it... It'll do for now."  
  
She un-hooks and nearly kicks the gear shift as she climbs into the back.  
  
"Hey, watch it!" I warn her.  
  
She gives a giggle of amusement as she pulls off her shirt and tosses it in the front seat just to tease me. A few minutes later she appears up front with one of my reddish plaid button up shirts half done up to show clevage and some loose jeans on her that makes her look like she's going to fall out of them. For a moment, I don't think I would mind.  
  
It's a little hard to think un-sexy thoughts when the girl in the passenger seat is the very core of far too many fantasies of men across America.  
  
She straightens out the shirt against her body, trying to make it fit to her curves, but men's shirts can't fit to a female body no matter what.  
  
"Gonna tell me why I just risked my life by breakin' out of jail?" she drawls, her voice thick and deep.  
  
"Not yet." I reply, "It's a long story... I can't really say it... I have to show it."  
  
I want to close my eyes at the memories of what have happened, but I can only watch them play over in my head on loop.  
  
She's looking at me now. I can feel her gaze, warm against my skin. Small beads of moisture rise above my eyebrow. Beside that scar. I let out a breath as we ride on.  
  
Our conversation is little and spasmotic. Every so often I ask her questions or vice versa. I never knew Faith liked sushi.  
  
She likes to fiddle with the radio stations too, it irritates me.  
  
"Would you stop that?" I ask after the second hour of going from static to music. I debate shoving her hands away from the radio, either that or ripping the radio out.  
  
"Well, that depends." She glares, "You gonna talk or just act like we're goin' to a fucking family barbeque?"  
  
We're silent, but then she lets out an uncontrollable laugh, minutes later I join her in just laughing for no reason at all. But we both can't seem to stop.  
  
"You're drooling." she smirks as she brushes her fingers against the side on my lips to clear it away.  
  
"Yeah, well it was no worse then that snort you made at the beginning.." I point out to her, relishing the feel of her fingers against my skin for a moment.  
  
"I did not!" Faith complains.  
  
"You did to, I heard it with my very own Xander-ears."  
  
"I don't snort." she stated firmly.  
  
I crack a smile and enjoy how she thinks she has the final say in everything.  
  
"Do too." I tell her minutes later.  
  
--------------  
  
bFaith's POV - Chapter Three/b  
  
iGod, he's annoying. Not just annoying... Really, breally/b, annoying. There are only so many hours a person can stay on the road for without a coffee break. Speaking of coffee breaks, it's been about two and a half years since I've had one./i  
  
"We should stop." I mention as my stomach growls.  
  
How long can this boy drive for? The last time I checked his stamina was at a minimum.  
  
"Stop? Why?" he questions.  
  
I clear my throat, "'Cause maybe that would be a good idea... It's going to be dark soon... and I'm hungry."  
  
I fail to mention the other 'H' word around Xander. It's a stamina thing.  
  
"Hungry." Xander smirks, "That doesn't mean you're horny too?" he teases.  
  
I glare at him.  
  
"No, but I know what you are." I retort, "C'mon... food... we haven't eaten in hours... and I'm ichin' to get somethin' more then the grub I've had for the past years at the penitentiary."  
  
"What did they feed you anyway?"  
  
"Like I said, 'Grub'."  
  
He makes a face at the idea, and I can see him start to cave into my idea of getting food.  
  
"Plus once it's dark won't we need to stay some place?" I point out.  
  
"True..." Xander nods, "Very true... and a good idea... Here I was planning on driving all night." he rolls his eyes at me as if I'm being obvious.  
  
I roll my eyes back at his snotty attitude.  
  
"Fine." He caves, "We'll do the food thing... and then we'll sleep."  
  
"Like you could make anything happen if I didn't want it to." I don't check the words before they flow out of my mouth.  
  
His body immediately tenses.  
  
"Got me there." He replies as he pulls the car up through a drive through, "So, hamburger?"  
  
"Yeah, a hamburger." I replied quietly. My throat clogs up at the memories.  
  
iI hear his words again, "Faith, come on. I came here to help you. I thought we had a connection."  
  
I hear myself laughing, shoving him onto my bed, jumping on him... I hear my words, but it doesn't sound like I'm sayin' them.  
  
"You wanna feel a connection? It's just skin. I see... I want... I take." I kiss him painfully hard, bruising his lips, "I forget."  
  
And he protests, "No. No, wait. It was more than that."  
  
And I ignore, "I could do anything to you right now, and you want me to. I can make you scream. I could make you die."  
  
My hands slide around his neck and press./i  
  
I gulp down my breath as he hands me the bag of McDonalds food.  
  
"I hope Coke is okay." Xander tells me.  
  
"What?" I ask, stunned.  
  
"Coke... I hope you like it." he hands me the drink.  
  
"Yeah... It's cool." I tell him after taking the plastic cup from his hands so he can drive.  
  
He glances to me before we drive out of the parking lot.  
  
"You think if I asked there would be a remote possibility that you'd tell me what's got your hair standing on end?" he questions.  
  
"No." I reply, shaking my head.  
  
"Didn't hurt to try... I guess."  
  
I let out another breath, "I'm sorry."  
  
He looks to me as he tries to pay attention to what's happening on the highway, "What? Why?"  
  
"Why not?" I laugh.  
  
"I mean, why are you saying it to me?" he clearifies.  
  
"Maybe, 'cause I need to." I tell him, "Maybe, 'cause I feel bad..." I breathe.  
  
He pauses before he replies to me, "You're forgiven."  
  
I can't help but have a small smile on my face as he says the words.  
  
I realize I have no words that can ever be said that would make him feel the way I'm feeling right now. And then I realize that the small smile I tried to repress has turned into a grin... and he's grinning back to me.  
  
---------------  
  
bXander's POV - Chapter Four/b  
  
iI must be dreaming, seriously, Faith is apologizing to me./i  
  
This is a dream, I know it is.  
  
For a moment the thought hits me that she's changed, I mean, yes... She has changed, obviously, but can a person change that much?  
  
We stop at the nearest hotel, a crappy, bug filled place. She doesn't look like she minds. Prison was probably worse for her.  
  
I talk to the man at the front desk as Faith stays in the car with the McDonalds food. I see her through the window sneaking a few fries. iNo kidding she was hungry./i  
  
"Double, please." I ask the man who looks just as bad as the hotel itself.  
  
"We ain't got no doubles... They sold ages 'go.." he drawls.  
  
iShit./i  
  
"Then, single." I tell him.  
  
"It's 18 bucks a night."  
  
"I'll pay for tonight." I have the cash at hand.  
  
"Room 27, Breakfast at 6 am... Check out's at 9..." he wipes his forehead with a tissue.  
  
"O...Kay..."  
  
He hands me the keys and I'm almost afraid to touch them. They feel greasy to the touch and I don't even try to wonder where they've been.  
  
I knock on the car window on Faith's side when I go out of the entry of the hotel. She jumps and looks for a split second like a deer caught in headlights. Then she gets out. I don't ask why she's so jumpy. I think I know.  
  
"Gotta room?" She asks.  
  
"Yeah." I reply dangling the key.  
  
She grabs the key from my hand and moves ahead of me, her hips sashaying as her boots click against the pavement. She opens the room and flicks on the light.  
  
"This is a single." Faith states blankly.  
  
"They didn't have any doubles left." I tell her, "I'll sleep on the chair." I offer after the long pause of silence between us.  
  
"Okay." She doesn't protest. I didn't expect she would.  
  
I watch her as she settles above the covers, facing away from the door, not even bothering to kick off her boots. She must be exausted.  
  
I close the door and lock it at both locks. I've learned that you can never be too careful. I turn off the light and sit in a hard seat, wondering if it would be better to sleep on the floor. Probably, but I don't think I'll move.  
  
She stirs for a moment and turns to face me. Staring at me, memorizing that scar above my eyebrow.  
  
"How'd you get it?"  
  
"Get what?" I ask, pretending that I don't know.  
  
"That scar."  
  
A beat.  
  
A pause.  
  
Her eyes dance.  
  
"It S'long story." I tell her.  
  
"Just like the other you've failed to tell me." she counters.  
  
"Battle wound." I finally make out.  
  
"Well, no duh. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out."  
  
Her words sting like a scorpion's tail, forcing me to recount what's happened. I only need to say one word.  
  
"Caleb."  
  
---------------  
  
bFaith's POV - Chapter Five/b  
  
iWell, I sure didn't expect that to come out of Xander's mouth./i  
  
"Caleb?" I ask dumbly.  
  
I watch Xander shift uncomfortably as if the name sent shivers down his spine.  
  
"You asked me how I got it. I told you." he replies harshly.  
  
"Yeah, but the name doesn't mean a thing to me." I point out.  
  
"He was this agent... of the first."  
  
Xander shifts again, each word is heavy with unspoken weight.  
  
"The first...?"  
  
"Evil." he completes.  
  
"Oh." I say, again dumbly.  
  
"He was going to take out my eye."  
  
I visably cringe at the thought as Xander continues.  
  
"...said I was the one that sees everything... Well, I sure as hell didn't see this coming."  
  
I sit up to listen to him.  
  
"Spike... he-he saw what was happening..." he closes his eyes, "He took my place."  
  
"He lost an eye?" I ask. I'm startin' to sound real stupid I'm pretty sure.  
  
"No." Xander's voice is hoarse and it breaks as he speaks, "Caleb...he took this really shiny knife out... Decapitated William the Bloody within seconds."  
  
He lowers his head.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
The name has even more of my attention.  
  
"She was so broken..."  
  
My eyes widen as he tells the story.  
  
"She went back to the vineyard... where Caleb was..."  
  
I have to shut my eyes. I can't listen to this. I can't hear this.  
  
Tears run down Xander's cheeks.  
  
"She found this... scythe... I guess the first made it or something."  
  
My breath quickens. This isn't happening.  
  
"She fought Caleb... and... he took the... he took it from her."  
  
"Stop." I tell him, weakly.  
  
He doesn't hear me.  
  
"And he...." Xander breathes, his body racked with sobs.  
  
"Stop." I say louder.  
  
He doesn't stop. He has to say it.  
  
"He sliced her in half."  
  
I open my mouth, clenching my stomach at the immediate nausea. I would have rather died then heard that.  
  
Xander looks up towards me, tears still streaming down his face.  
  
"Faith... Oh, God..." he whispers, "That's how we found her."  
  
I don't notice my own tears until they blur my vision. I move into the seat next to him.  
  
"I'm so sorry." I whisper back to him, wiping his tears out of his eyes, my fingers brushing delicately over the scar above his eyebrow for a moment.  
  
His arms are around me, holding me tightly.  
  
I shut my eyes again, letting him clench onto me instead of pushing me away. I feel his body shudder again mine, and I deal the only way I know how.  
  
I lift his chin to look into his eyes. Wipe my tears onto his shirt collar.  
  
And I kiss him.  
  
---------------  
  
bXander's POV - Chapter Six - Rated NC-17/b  
  
iWell, this is different./i  
  
Her hands are pressed against my body, her thumb running along my jawline feeling the texture of my skin, rushing along the imperfections... and that scar.  
  
And her lips.  
  
Her lips are against mine.  
  
iFaith is kissing me. Oh, God... Faith is kissing me. /i  
  
And it feels good. So I return the kiss, trailing my lips away from hers onto her jaw, softly against her chin, and down her neck. Her body rises and arches towards mine.  
  
A moan of pleasure escapes from her lips.  
  
"Do you...?" I start to ask.  
  
She interupts, pulling me over onto the bed, on top of her.  
  
"Yes..." is all she needs to say, but she holds on tightly, wrapping her arms around my neck, holding me to continue where I'd left off.  
  
This is nothing like what we ever did before.  
  
Faith is... gentle. Soft.  
  
Well, she's always been soft, but there's something more.  
  
My hands slide over the shirt of mine she's wearing. I begin to unbutton the top few buttons trailing kisses onto her chest.  
  
And there's that moan again. Calling. Needing.  
  
She brings her lips to mine, slipping her tongue into my mouth. Letting us dance for a moment.  
  
She tastes faintly of cigerettes and french fries. I'm not sure I taste much better.  
  
Faith slips her hands under my shirt and tugs it upwards until we need to break apart to throw it elsewhere. I let out a groan as her nails run down my chest, my arousal pressed so hard against my pants zipper that it's painful.  
  
And then our lips meet again as if we can't stand a moment apart from each other.  
  
Her hand slide down too slowly. I think that I could explode if she's not too careful; If she fucks me like she did last time.  
  
I concentrate on getting her jeans off, but find that they slide off easily. They're nothing like leather pants. I move down her to get her jeans fully off, kissing her abdomen and running my tongue quickly into her navel.  
  
It jolts her, her hips rising, begging for more.  
  
My fingers knead her thighs as my lips work up her body again. Her scent, I remember, has always been strong.  
  
She arches her neck and finally reaches again to unzip the painfully tight pants I'm wearing. I let out as hiss of pleasure against the nape of her neck as her fingers circle and caress the budge in my pants before she unbuttons and pulls the pants down. When she can't reach down anymore she kicks them off with her feet. Her ankles are cold against mine.  
  
"God... Faith..." I whisper against her skin.  
  
"I know." she replies plainly.  
  
I run my fingers along the edges of her underwear, pulling them down to her calves as she squirms to get the rest of the way out. I don't bother with the shirt she's still wearing.  
  
She does the same for me.  
  
And I feel naked. Really, really naked, but I'm the only one who seems to care. Faith opens her thighs wider for easier access. Sometimes I forget how much she's done this, because right now it only seems like it just her and me.  
  
That's all I want it to be.  
  
Every moan she gives is making me harder. Is it possible to be this hard?  
  
"I want you." she tells me forcefully as she holds close for a kiss.  
  
I thrust inside her. Searching for a moment as her muscles relax around me. She's warm, and nice. And hot. It feels very hot here.  
  
I can't contain myself. I want to stay still, but I can't seem to.  
  
Our pace increases as I slide in and out of her like she warm butter. She's quiet mostly, letting me do my thing it seems.  
  
I open my eyes to look at her and in the corners of her eyes there are tears.  
  
Her muscles begin to clench around me, trying to pump me of everything I have. I kiss her as I flood inside of her. Her toes curl as she shudders against me and joins me in orgasm.  
  
She finally gives a gasp for air and looks like she has release.  
  
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bFaith's POV - Chapter Seven/b  
  
iOh, God./i  
  
Please, do not tell me I just slept with Xander Harris.  
  
Isn't that a laugh riot and a half?  
  
I slept with Xander.  
  
What was I thinking, seriously? Other then the long incarceration it was a good bounce. I wasn't wrong about the stamina thing, but when did I lose mine? All he did was touch me and...  
  
He's layin' beside me, on the bed now, almost asleep. I feel like I can't breathe.  
  
What was that? A mercy fuck? What the hell are you doin', Faith?  
  
I feel like I should have some sense knocked into me or somethin'.  
  
His arms are still around me, his left hand caressing the skin of my upper arm right above my tattoo. His fingers curving around tracing the design as he watches me and waits for me to say something.  
  
What does he want me to say? It was... good. It was really good, but hell... I don't know what he wants from me.  
  
Fuck, I have to say somethin', can't just leave him waiting there.  
  
My body shifts uncomfortably.  
  
"We... we should rest now." I tell him.  
  
Xander merely nods, his arms still around me as he just lays there able to get sleep now. I wait until he's asleep to untangle from him.  
  
I sit at the edge of the bed for a moment, giving the matress a slight bounce as I move to get up. I find my underwear around one of my ankles and I pull them up. I find the jeans on the chair that Xander was going to sleep on. I put them on to. I move into the bathroom, shutting the door behind myself and I don't bother trying to button my shirt up the whole way. My breasts are nearly falling out, but I just don't give a damn.  
  
I look in the mirror and I see dark circles under my eyes. Skin rough and bruised. Aches and pains.  
  
I see prints against my skin where he clenched my so tightly, like he needed me to breath. Drops of water spill onto the ceramic top.  
  
I finally look into my own eyes, and I realize that I'm crying.  
  
And I can't seem to be able to stop.  
  
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bXander's POV - Chapter Eight/b  
  
iI can't be hearing this./i  
  
I keep my eyes close for a moment as I hear little choked up sobs from the bathroom and I know she's regretting.  
  
I did... I had sex with Faith. I can tell by the way my body's tired but humming.  
  
And I can't believe I forgot.  
  
Breathe. Anya. Breathe.  
  
Close eyes.  
  
I had sex with Faith, and the first time in months I didn't think about Anya.  
  
For forty-seven days she's been dead, and I just move on? What the hell is wrong with me?  
  
I feel the guilt rise in my throat. Damnit.  
  
I get up out of bed and get clothing on, wincing as the jean material chafes me. I pull my shirt over my head. I want to leave. I want to just get away from everything right now. It's too much, but I can't leave Faith behind. She's my responsibility now.  
  
So, I knock on the bathroom door. When she doesn't answer I open the door, but slam into something hard, and that happens to be Faith's back.  
  
"Fuck!" She glares at me, rubbing at her back, "What the hell are you doing?"  
  
I move to help her, "I didn't know you were--" I start to apologize.  
  
She cuts me off as I try to see if I bruised her.  
  
"Don't touch me." her words are low and warning.  
  
I breathe stepping back from her, "Sorry... I didn't mean to."  
  
"Well, you did." Faith looks away as she gets up from her position of being sprawled on the floor.  
  
"Sorry." I say again.  
  
She pushes me hard against the wall and for a moment I think she might beat me to death. There's just something about sex and death that's always between us. Probably should have remembered that.  
  
Her hand tightens around my neck, pinning me against the wall.  
  
Something changes, she turns away looking ashamed at her actions, and she lets me go.  
  
Then she walks out.  
  
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bFaith's POV - Chapter Nine/b  
  
iI just need to breathe. Damn, why does it have to feel like the world is closing in on me? /i  
  
My own throat tightening, choking, like I just about did to Xander.  
  
What the hell is wrong with me? I broke out of jail, fucked Xander, started to sob like I'm a freakin' two year old, then attempted to choke Harris.  
  
I shake my head and then grab Xander's jacket before I walk out into the night.  
  
Now I should be gettin' charged for larceny.  
  
I'm really wishin' for a cigarette right about now, at least in prison I could get 'em. I have enough sense to not go about usin' the boy's credit cards. Wonder if he knows that.  
  
I stuff my hands in the pockets, his scent is all over me. Covering my body, in the clothing, probably even inside of me.  
  
Close eyes. Try not to think about it.  
  
God, that was hot. But, so not the point.  
  
My mind is racing. Buffy. Prison. Xander. Sex.  
  
Why does he even want me? I mean, I should be the last person. I am the last person. Like he said everyone's dead. Angel's dead. Buffy's julienned. Spike's dust. Red, I'm not going to even ask what happened to her. G-Man...  
  
And he comes to me. Metaphorically and Literally.  
  
He needs a hero. He's looking for a hero because he's lost his. Fuck, why does it have to be me.  
  
I let people down. I don't help. He's just not thinkin' straight. Anyway, after the nearly-strangle I'm sure he'll send the cops on my ass.  
  
I hear the hotel door open. Xander's heavy footsteps as he comes out.  
  
And he's... just staring.  
  
I glance to look at him, my lips pressing together tightly.  
  
He mumbles for a moment before he makes eye-contact. We avoid actual discussion.  
  
I try to start, "Look, Xand. If you want--"  
  
He cuts me off.  
  
"We should get going."  
  
My forehead creases with discomfort.  
  
"iWhat?/i" I ask.  
  
"If we're not sleeping, we should get going, it's not like we have time for petty games." he grumbles.  
  
"Takes two to play." I act like the smart-ass I am.  
  
He sends me a look to kill.  
  
"Look, you're either on my side or you can hit the highway." he tells me.  
  
I feel a sting at his words, "I iam/i on your side. I've ibeen/i on your side."  
  
"Well, you should start showing it."  
  
I roll my eyes, crossing my arms, "Well, if you think you can beat this thing on your own, be my guest. But, remember, iyou're/i the one that brought me out. It's on your pretty little head, Xand-Man."  
  
He pauses and it seems like hours go by, but his look softens.  
  
"Then fight with me. Not against me."  
  
I nod, looking up to him.  
  
He takes a breath and speaks.  
  
"Let's go. The others are waiting."  
  
--------------  
  
bXander's POV - Chapter Ten/b  
  
iWe don't bother giving the key to the hotel room back./i  
  
"Others?" she asks as she closes the door to my Chevrolet.  
  
"The ones who survived." I clearify.  
  
"Oh, so you're not the only one."  
  
"Not especially." I tell her, glancing as she hooks into the car seat.  
  
I put the key into the ignition, and turn. Something sputters as the car starts to drive when I put my foot to the petal.  
  
"How did Angel die?" Faith asks me quietly.  
  
I'm not sure what to tell Faith. I'm really not. I know how important Angel was to her. She acts like he's a savior or something, and I know he's hers... Which is a lot to say in general.  
  
I figure telling her the truth is best.  
  
My foot pushes a little hard and we accelerate as my breathing speeds.  
  
"He killed himself." iLike Anya./i  
  
I don't see her reaction. She's too tired to react.  
  
And then she doesn't speak at all, but she looks angry.  
  
I'm jolted at her next words.  
  
"He was a fuckin' idiot."  
  
"How do you figure that one, Faith?"  
  
"You don't deal with things by goin' away. He of all people should know that." her voice rises, "The fact that he killed himself, just goes to show that he was weak. He wasn't weak the last time I saw him." her last words are quiet and whispered.  
  
"He wasn't weak." I can't believe I'm defending deadboy.  
  
"How do you figure that one?" she echos my words, rough and harshly.  
  
"He killed himself so he wouldn't kill others. The first is so nifty that it made Angelus give us a few surprise visits."  
  
"It can do that?" Faith asks, suprised and a hint of fright in her voice.  
  
"It finds your weakness and dives for it."  
  
"Did you see it?" she breathes when she can.  
  
"No." I reply, "I do see it."  
  
She looks confused.  
  
"Everywhere I go... I see Willow's spirit, or Anya's...--"  
  
"Anya? That's your..." Faith interupts me, looking horrified.  
  
iStop. Just don't even try and think about it./i  
  
"She was my ex... don't worry about it."  
  
"Oh."  
  
We accelerate again.  
  
"How'd she die?"  
  
Faith seems to think that I'm into sharing.  
  
"She was an idiot." I reply.  
  
"I meant Willow."  
  
"Well, thanks a lot, Faith!" I try not to explode at her, "Look, I don't want to talk about this. It beyond royally sucks that I can't make the funny ironic jokes anymore 'cause there's no one but me to joke to. Your questions really idon't/i help."  
  
She curls away from me into the passenger seat.  
  
"Why don't you try this question on for size?" She retorts, "When did you get to be such a--"  
  
I cut her off.  
  
"I wouldn't finish that if I were you." I tell her.  
  
"Or else you'll do what?" she challenges.  
  
I screech the car to a halt. And I look her in the eye.  
  
"I'm not the same little boy you knew. I know the smell of blood just as well as you do. Do you want to know how fast I can pull out a '44 caliber? 'Cause I'm just dyin' to find out." I hear my own voice seething.  
  
Faith smirks, impressed, she gives a short laugh. "Xander Harris, tasted blood off his own fingers... How'd it taste?" she asked, her breath on my lips.  
  
"Sickening." I answer.  
  
Faith's look collapses, she backs off.  
  
I continue to drive and I faintly hear her say, "I know."  
  
--------------  
  
bFaith's POV - Chapter Eleven/b  
  
iHe's the last person I'd expect to have killed someone, but I get the vibe of a whole kind of 'victim-of-circumstance' thing going on./i  
  
And I think I know who it was. Who Xander killed...  
  
The though makes me sick. It's the only thing that makes sense.  
  
iHe was so protective when I mentioned, Willow./i  
  
I look towards him, studing his face. There's nothing in the boy's eyes that makes me think he'd have the guts to kill his best friend. All I see is how effected he is. I close my eyes tightly.  
  
And he's right. He's not the same little boy I once knew.  
  
The same little boy I could screw over in minutes.  
  
The only thing the same about him is the way he looks and the fact that I can still break him if I want to. I've always been able to read people.  
  
He wakes me up when we get there, a tired look running through his face and body, "iFaith.../i" he calls my name gently.  
  
"Huh?" I mumble as his hand on my shoulder rouses me.  
  
"We're here..." he says.  
  
"Here?" I ask as I open my eyes to see him. I look around and we've parked in an abandoned building.  
  
"Where exactly is here?" I ask, confused.  
  
"This used to be Wolfram and Hart's sister office in Seattle." he tells me.  
  
I jump. "Wolfram and Hart? Dude, you can't be serious." I shake my head, "We're in the abandoned building of an evil lawfirm."  
  
"I guess you know them then..." he stated.  
  
"They hired me to kill Angel once." I admit.  
  
"It's a safe haven."  
  
I laugh.  
  
He looks at me.  
  
I'm embarrassed.  
  
"Just seems ironic." I explain.  
  
"Only a little." he cracks a small smile and for a moment he looks like the Xander I know.  
  
He unhooks his seatbelt and gets out. I repeat his actions and come around as he leads the way from the underground parking up the stairs until we get to the forth floor.  
  
We go down hallways and the only thing that seems to be not destroyed is a room at the end of the hall. He sees my confused look.  
  
"It was protected by magick. That's why it wasn't distroyed."  
  
I hear voices as we near the room, life is bickering and bubbling inside of the room.  
  
The door flys open and a young man who looks eighteen and lanky walks out with an axe, almost right into me.  
  
"Hey, watch it kid!" I tell him, stopping him.  
  
His blue eyes flash and glare at me.  
  
"I'm not a bkid/b." he says sharply.  
  
"Connor... Wait." a voice that belongs to the previous Sunnydale beauty pageant winner, Cordelia Chase, calls after him. She runs after him and stops when she sees me.  
  
"Faith." she states. Then she looks to Xander, "I thought you were going for help. What the hell is she doing here?"  
  
Xander is about to say something when I intervenes, "I'm here to help. Let's save the pleasentries." I tell her before walking into the room and glance around at the survivors.  
  
There are only two others in the room. Wesley, and the Lilah chick that hired me. For a minute I think it's really hitting me that Angel's not there.  
  
Cordelia and Xander bicker before Axe-Boy comes into the room and places his axe on the table with the other weapons.  
  
"Heya, Wes." I glance to the watcher which I maimed on hours on end.  
  
"Hello Faith." he nods towards me acceptingly.  
  
"So this is a slayer?" Axe-Boy comes up to me and looks me over.  
  
I glance towards him.  
  
"You don't look strong... I could take her down in a mi--"  
  
I put my pointer finger on his lips, "Kid, don't even try it."  
  
"I'd trust her." Xander intervenes.  
  
Axe-Boy backs off and settles swiftly onto a couch. People have been living in this room for days, and that couch is obviously his spot. There's something vaguely familiar about the way that boy moves and broods.  
  
I wonder what.  
  
"So you have a plan?" Lilah says with a sway to her voice to Xander.  
  
"No." he states.  
  
"Oh... that's real smooth, Wood-Boy." Lilah commented, "You give us a psychotic slayer, but don't come up with a plan how to destroy the first."  
  
"bShut up/b." Xander tells her, slamming the door in anger.  
  
She quiets immediately.  
  
He looks to me, "She's going to help us."  
  
For a moment, I'm scared at the confidence Xander has in me, but I smile weakly towards him before gulping down a breath and ignoring what everyone is saying because I'm too involved in my own thoughts.  
  
I'm only interrupted by a sharp kick in the back of my head and the world going black.  
  
--------------  
  
bXander's POV - Chapter Twelve/b  
  
iI catch Faith in my arms before she hits the ground and then I glare without hesitation to Cordelia who held the blunt end of her high heeled shoe in her hand./i  
  
"iWhy the hell did you hit her?/i" I ask her, my mouth gaped open as I cradle Faith's head in my lap.  
  
Cordelia looks to me and shrugs, "Just some payback for the time she elbowed me in the eye and knocked me out." she says.  
  
I continue to glare at my girlfriend, former. "We don't have time for these little vendettas."  
  
I can't help but think that Faith looks peaceful as she lays in my arms.  
  
"Well, I didn't kill her."  
  
"Thank god." I reply.  
  
Cordelia comes closer to me, "You know you put way too much effort into her."  
  
I narrow my eyes.  
  
"You know, I'm starting to think it's a slayer thing." she tells me, her voice cold.  
  
I slap her. Even I'm surprised by my own actions.  
  
Cordelia backs off, I don't apologize. She knows just how far she went with the 'Slayer Thing' comment.  
  
Wesley comforts her as I scoop Faith up into my arms and bring her into one of the attached rooms to this boardroom. This is where my stuff is. I settle her onto the place where I pushed two couches together and covered them in wrecked curtains that I found in the building.  
  
I hear Cordelia yelling in the other room.  
  
"He's insane... He really is. Now we have two insane people in here." she insists.  
  
"Cordelia, he may just be going through grief." Wesley tells her gently.  
  
"Grief?" she laughs. "If he's going through grief it's because of his own actions."  
  
"Lower your voice... he can hear us, along with the entire world." Lilah intervienes.  
  
"Says the evil lawyer." Cordelia retorts.  
  
"Former. As in Ex..." Lilah tells her, "I'm all for saving the world now."  
  
Connor paces before speaking, "Because you don't want to die."  
  
"Well, yes." Lilah admits without hesitation. "Kid, it doesn't take a preschooler to figure that one out." She laughs, "Though we may not have a choice right about now. I scooped up a few things from Wolfram and Hart but all we've got are some nifty colorful papers about the First Evil and a necklace that not ever Elizabeth Taylor would have worn."  
  
"So how exactly is Faith suppose to add into this?" Cordelia asks, "I mean she's tried to kill all of us at one point or another... Why should we trust her now?"  
  
I hear only one thing, "Because Angel trusted her." It comes from my mouth as I stand in the doorway between both rooms.  
  
Cordelia glances towards me, leerily.  
  
"And I trust her..."  
  
I give the last words as I close the door between both rooms.  
  
Faith is just starting to wake up as settle down beside her, brushing her hair back behind her ear.  
  
She looks to my and I realize my actions pulling my hand away from her soft skin.  
  
"Why do I feel like I got kicked in the head?" she asks me, a little dazed.  
  
I sigh, "Because Cordelia got the nifty idea to use one of her platforms as a weapon."  
  
She looks angry at that, "Can I kill her?" she asks, only half joking.  
  
"Nah... kinda think we need her too." I reply with a slight smile.  
  
I help her as she dizzily sits up, "You okay?" I ask concerned.  
  
"Best as could be expected considering that Queen C has wicked aim." she rubs at the back of her head.  
  
I look where she rubs, and I check it out, my fingers tangling in her hair. "The swelling's gone down."  
  
"I heal fast." Faith replies blankly.  
  
"I've noticed."  
  
I untangle my fingers from her hair.  
  
She closes her eyes and when she opens them, she looks angry still.  
  
"Could you just stop being so- hung on me?" Faith asks, a little disgusted as she pulls away.  
  
"Didn't know I was being so overbearing, Faith." I tell her.  
  
"Well, you are."  
  
She turns so she doesn't have to meet my eyes.  
  
"Faith..." I start.  
  
She doesn't answer, and I can feel my patience wearing down.  
  
"Look at me when I talk to you!" I put my hand on her face to turn her to meet my eyes.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" she backs off from me to press her back again the couch and the wall.  
  
I look to her, "Just trying to talk to you, funny how you can't manage such a simple thing as talking."  
  
"I told you not to touch me." she tells me, scowling toward me.  
  
Ironic how she's so beautiful when she's angry. No, I didn't just think that.  
  
"You really didn't seem to have a problem with it earlier..." I point out to her as she moves past me to the middle of the room, needing a place that doesn't confine her to a box. I wonder how she survived in prison so long.  
  
"That was different." She gives a beat, "I was feeling bad, you were feeling bad..." she trails off.  
  
"You gave me a comfort-fuck?" I ask a little horrified. I'm apparently having a delusion that Faith actually liked me for me.  
  
She laughs, "Was it anything else? Really, Xander..."  
  
"I don't know." I state.  
  
"You don't know now? Well... that's a laugh..." she looks towards me, her hair falling gracefully into her eyes.  
  
"Maybe I thought it was something more." I admit. "Doesn't mean I'd want it to be." I spit towards her.  
  
Faith looks hurt within seconds and I know I got her deep.  
  
"If you have a problem with me Xander, why the hell don't you just come out and say so?" she curses under her breath towards me.  
  
"Probably should have a long time ago," I add, "I'm starting to wonder if you try to strangle all your one night stands..."  
  
"Only the ones who annoy me." she retorts within seconds, "But this is more like a two night stand thing isn't it?"  
  
"Oh... kinda explains a lot."  
  
"What?" she asks as if I said the most absurd thing in the world.  
  
"The not getting close to people issue you have, you're afraid that they're gonna find out what you're really like and dump you on the spot."  
  
She gives a short sarcastic laugh.  
  
"Boy, you really have gone insane, haven't you?" She steps closer to me, daring me to try something, anything, "I have issues? bYou/b have issues."  
  
"Gonna enlighten me, Faith. Tell me what problems I have?"  
  
"What do you want to know other then the fact that you couldn't save your two best friends?"  
  
I'm taken back by her words, "What?" I ask.  
  
"You're so obvious that you don't even see it." she state, rushed and angry like some sort of animal in heat.  
  
She continues.  
  
"I get that you have this whole dark past thing goin' on because you killed Willow... I fucking started that 'dark past' trend. But you're a brooder and that doesn't get you anywhere."  
  
"Says the girl who kills without remorse."  
  
She steps even closer to me, looking like she's about to take off my head and I don't doubt for a moment that she could and would.  
  
"You don't know me." she tells me firmly and without room for argument.  
  
"And you know me so well?" I ask her, my breath heavy at the closeness.  
  
"I read people." Faith tugs twice, downwards, at my shirt, "And you're an open book."  
  
"So, tell me, Faith, what do I say?" I ask as she leans towards me.  
  
Her eyes narrow, and she pauses for a moment, "That you'd rather die then save the world."  
  
I gulp down a breath, closing my eyes.  
  
-------------  
  
bFaith's POV - Chapter Thirteen/b  
  
i"I bet you wish you shot yourself instead."/i  
  
I almost instantly regret the words as they pour like acid from my mouth.  
  
His eyes open in a flash, his look is sharp enough to draw blood, looking me over as if I'm some sort of rotten little bitch. His scowl deepens the longer he looks. I start to shift uncomfortably under his gaze.  
  
He finally speaks, "What did you say?"  
  
I hesitate, my breath catching in my throat as I start saying the words all over again, my throat aching as I do.  
  
"I bet you wish you shot yourself instead."  
  
He continues to look me over his eyes still flaming like he's burning inside.  
  
I bite at my lower lip for a moment and then I move to walk out.  
  
His hand rests on my shoulder to stop me.  
  
I glance up to him.  
  
He spins me around, his grip on me increasingly tighter, and thrusts me against the wall.  
  
Breath is taken from me as my head ricochets and bounces, bruising me in the same spot Cordelia's shoe hit.  
  
I look up to him, breathing heavily, my senses muddled with his sudden actions. I have no time to react before he presses his lips hard to mine and forces his tongue into my mouth.  
  
He breaks away, slightly, his face still close to mine. I tasted something dangerous in him.  
  
His lips, for a moment, caress the soft skin of my ear and I close my eyes as he whispers.  
  
"Not as much as I wish I'd shot you the first time we met."  
  
The words settle like thick mist in the room as I feel my breath draw from me again. I open my eyes to look at him. My face, I'm sure, is wearing a look of surprise. I think I see him almost smile.  
  
I slide down the wall as he releases me like I've been diseased, contaminated by my own words.  
  
I see him wipe his hands on his jeans out of the corner of my eyes as he walks out of the room, leaving me to clean up the mess I've created.  
  
My brain crams years worth of memories in a five second flashcard. Each thought brings me closer to anger and tears. I can feel my nose start to tingle with the coming emotion, I buckle as it floods my senses. The grief begins. I hold my stomach as I fight it back. This is no time for my inner demons to come into play.  
  
Angel's gone.  
  
I mouth the words as they finally settle.  
  
"Angel is gone." I breathe under a whisper.  
  
Stop, Faith... Just stop this crap. God damnit.  
  
The memories still flow. i "I had to sing Barry Manilow."  
  
I laugh, "You're kidding."  
  
"In front of people." Angel nods.  
  
"And here I am talking about my petty little problems." /i  
  
I feel sick.  
  
Disgusted. Dirty. Degraded.  
  
I could throw up right now. Let myself sit in my own vomit.  
  
I almost wish I was. Almost wish I'd drown in it.  
  
He couldn't have just hit me? Abused me like any other fuckin' bastard I've met. No, of course not. It had to run deep.  
  
And now I feel it, deep, flow through my veins, pumping and rushing through my brain and heart.  
  
And I feel his hatred. His venomous words cut into me like the ten inch knife Buffy sliced into my gut.  
  
I realize that she's just as gone as he is. As Angel is. As Red is.  
  
Everyone's gone without their precious Buffy.  
  
She's such an idol. Such a perfect work of art.  
  
Molded like clay.  
  
bThe/b Slayer. Chosen One.  
  
Not like me. I was barely considered to be chosen.  
  
I shouldn't be here now. I shouldn't have been there then.  
  
All because she's dead. And incredibly fucked up.  
  
I mean, it's her fault that she's dead. She was the stupid one who chose to go after the big monster under the bed.  
  
And she got herself killed.  
  
What is this the third time?  
  
And hey, we can look at this one way... Willow's not gonna be able to bring her back. Xander sure took care of that.  
  
I wonder what's left.  
  
I stare blankly at the wall. Clean and white, almost perfect.  
  
What else is there to do?  
  
My face contorts.  
  
Breaking and crumbling. Brittle like bones and dust.  
  
I swing. Make contact, my knuckles digging into the fragmented plaster.  
  
Blood is drawn and starts to flow, touching the tips of my fingers.  
  
My chest heaves as a cry comes out of my own lips, guttural and animalistic. I can feel myself flow away.  
  
---------------  
  
bXander's POV - Chapter Fourteen/b  
  
iI hate how I feel so good about the fact the I hurt Faith./i  
  
What she said was... repulsive, and ugly. What I said was even worse.  
  
I fed her a taste of her own medication, let the bitter drink slip down her throat like velvet.  
  
She had it coming.  
  
I watch through a crack in the door how much what I said effected her.  
  
Faith bends and breaks. Punching at the wall until her knuckles bleed out her pain.  
  
And then she falls, leaning against the rubble, against the mess she made, and she sobs. Little hiccups, and covering her face with her bloody hands.  
  
It chokes me up inside to know that I've done this.  
  
iGet a grip. It's only Faith, she can deal with herself. She brought it on./i  
  
I turn away and I see Cordelia watching me. Her eyes firery and knowing what I've done. Everything I've done.  
  
God, I miss Willow so much, and she's right it's all my fault.  
  
I look quickly as the door to the room bursts open. Andrew popping inside. I resist the urge to roll my eyes.  
  
"I've got doughnuts!" Andrew says upbeatly.  
  
He sits down on Connor's couch and Connor looks like he wants to take a shot at Andrew.  
  
"It took awhile to find to find a Dunken Doughnuts here... Since almost everyone has cleared out of the city, but success!"  
  
Andrew opens the box, "Who wants Grape Jelly?"  
  
Lilah raises her hand at that. I don't expect it, figuring that she might like something frosted. Seems to be her style.  
  
I glance to the door I'm standing by as Faith comes into the room, looking past me. Her eyes barely red and her cuts almost completely healed.  
  
Her hair falls into her eyes as she turns to ask Cordelia who Andrew is.  
  
"That's Andrew," Cordy states, "He's here for pure comedy in the face of an apocalypse. Xander kinda lost that a few county lines ago."  
  
Cordelia knows that I'm here, but I doubt that she cares any longer.  
  
Faith glances to me, but quickly shifts her gaze. She doesn't bother to give me a dirty look.  
  
"It's going to be dark soon." Wesley says aloud as if that wasn't obvious.  
  
"So, we get the pack together? Clean out the city?" Connor asks.  
  
"Huh?" Faith asks confused.  
  
"We go patrolling each night, Faith." I let her know.  
  
"Oh... Patrolling, cool." she nods, cracking her knuckles.  
  
Andrew finally notices Faith standing there.  
  
"Oooh... Vampire Slayer, Faith, right?" he questions.  
  
She looks a little shocked at his upbeat personality.  
  
"Yeah, that's my name... Don't wear it out." she mumbles.  
  
Andrew smiles and sighs wistfully towards her, "It was cool how you shot Angel with that poisonous arrow that one time."  
  
She's not the only one who glares at him for that comment.  
  
Andrew shrivels back into the couch at the looks he's getting from everyone.  
  
"She's the one who did that?" Connor inquires demandingly, standing up and approaching her.  
  
"Yeah, Kid, that was me." Faith admits, rolling her eyes back.  
  
Connor mumbles some sort of insult under his breath.  
  
I see something inside Faith snap. She slams Connor against the wall.  
  
"Don't make me shoot you too."  
  
Connor looks stunned and throws her grip off him. They battle for minutes, blocking each other's punches.  
  
"I get it, you're a superbeing." Faith tells him. "Though, I'm not exactly sure what you are..."  
  
"I'm his son." It takes Connor a while to admit that as they try to stare each other down.  
  
Faith breaks away from him first.  
  
"Screw this." She sighs, "I'm goin' out to patrol."  
  
"You shouldn't go out alone." I find myself speaking up.  
  
She gives a laugh, looking towards me.  
  
"Gonna be my white knight, Xand?"  
  
There's no time to reply before she speaks again.  
  
"I don't need you, okay? I'm going..." She turns, her hair flying wildly as she walks from the room.  
  
"I'm going after her." I tell the others. "Usual groups? Wesley, take the lower east side. Cordelia, the upper city. Big buildings and such." I say breathlessly. "Meet back here at 5 am..."  
  
Cordelia nods, "Xander?"  
  
"Yeah, Cordy?" I respond.  
  
"Be careful."  
  
I give her a slight smile at that.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
----------------  
  
bFaith's POV - Chapter Fifteen/b  
  
iHe's following me, I can tell. He's never quiet about it when he wants to be found./i  
  
"Faith... Wait up." he calls.  
  
I continue to walk as if I haven't heard him.  
  
"Faith!" he sounds exasperated.  
  
"What?" I stop, turning to him and crossing my arms against my chest.  
  
He walks and stops short in front of me.  
  
"You don't know this city." he starts, "There are certain places... It's just not safe going alone."  
  
I look him up and down, "You know, I so don't need this from you. I'm fairly certain that I can take care of myself without you. I don't need a bodyguard, especially one like you."  
  
"That supposed to mean something, Faith?"  
  
"Yeah, that was the intention, Xand." I nod to him.  
  
"Gonna give me a translation?" Xander question, "'Cause... You've always been a bit more then cryptic..."  
  
I give a snort.  
  
"You're oblivious." I roll my eyes looking away. I can't look into his eyes. It's weird. I can only see the little boy inside. This scared little boy that I knew.  
  
"Look at me." he says softly.  
  
I don't look his way, "Why the hell should I, really? So you can just humiliate me. Degrade me like I'm lower then you?"  
  
Every breath he takes appears in the November air.  
  
"No."  
  
I glare at him, "That's a fuckin' lie and you know that."  
  
"At least I got you looking at me." A small smirk lies on his face, spreading.  
  
What is his problem? Really? He's gotten enough from me. Does he pride himself in these little accomplishments?  
  
"Do you know how annoying you are?" I ask.  
  
"Only half sure." Xander replied.  
  
"Wanna cue?"  
  
"Not personally, Faith."  
  
I wish he'd do something already. I'm just waiting for him to hit me or maybe continue squashing me like a bug under his foot.  
  
I break gaze with him again. Moments come and go.  
  
"Look, Faith, I didn't mean to do that." Xander hastened to say.  
  
I pick at my nails.  
  
"Yeah, well, what exactly did you mean to do?" I ask.  
  
iXander, what the hell happened to you to make you like this?/i  
  
"I don't know... You kinda hit a sore spot. I reacted."  
  
"You kissed me." I glanced quickly up to look into his eyes, "More like forced your tongue down my throat, but, really... someone who's angry usually might choose to hit or kick. Bruises at least heal! So, don't go tryin' to play a martyr, 'cause we both know you're not even close to being one." I snapped towards him.  
  
He took a step back and ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
"I feel badly." he began.  
  
He's talking about murdering. He's talking about what he's done.  
  
"You're supposed to!" I almost laugh. "You've done things. Things that you can never take back. I kinda get this, Xander. Though it may be a Phych 101 revolution to you."  
  
I sigh and add quietly, "It frankly blows, and I don't really need to deal with this a second time around."  
  
He looks down at my words, simmering in his own juices.  
  
God, with the way he's looking I feel badly for him.  
  
"Wanna kill dead things?" I finally offer.  
  
Xander cracks a smile at that, "Something I want to do..."  
  
We walk around some of the small suburbs of Seattle.  
  
"It's a shame what happened to the Space Needle." I comment.  
  
"Yeah, a riot broke out a couple weeks ago. They--"  
  
"I saw." I look up to him, "On the news."  
  
"Lot of weird things on the news lately then." he commented.  
  
"Yeah..." I replied as something out of the corner of my eye distracts me.  
  
It looks like a vampire, or something vampirish. Xander notices this too and his face darkens and drops.  
  
"It's a Turok-Han," he explaines quietly as he grabs hold of my arm and starts to pull me away. Hoping that the vampire won't notice us, but I can smell his fear from where I'm standing.  
  
"A what? It's a vampire, right? I slay them." I hiss towards him.  
  
"Yeah, you don't want to mess with this one." he insists.  
  
I breathe as the Turok-Han turns to us, its eyes flashing yellow. And then it jumps, high and fast.  
  
We're its meal.  
  
----------------  
  
bXander's POV - Chapter Sixteen/b  
  
i"I'd suggest running right about now..." I tell Faith quickly, my heart racing as the Ubervamp gets closer and closer as each second passes./i  
  
Faith looks at me as if I'm insane.  
  
She wants to take it down, but right now I'm far more worried about how many pieces she's gonna be in after that.  
  
"Faith, remember, logic!" I shout towards her as she approaches the Turok- Han with speed and smooth skill.  
  
Her stake is at hand, clenched so tightly that her knuckles are turning white from lack of circulation.  
  
She's really not giving me any choices, but to save her ass from this whole situation.  
  
The Ubervamp raises it's hand, slashing her face with it's claws. She winces, falling down, but not before sending a punch into it's jaw.  
  
"What the hell are these guys?" Faith asks aloud.  
  
I join her, helping her to her feet again.  
  
"I told you, Turok-Han... They're primordial vampires, pure demons."  
  
"This thing doesn't look pure anything." she comments as she holds the side of her face.  
  
The Turok-Han grabs her quickly by the collar of her shirt, chocking her by tightening the cloth around her neck.  
  
"Shit." I mutter, "You just had to pick a fight with one of these things..."  
  
I right hook the thing in the back of it's head. It immediately drops Faith who gasps for air like a fish out of water.  
  
It growls and I attempt to decapitate it with my coat.  
  
I quickly realize that this is a bad idea as my coat rips in half and the Turok-Han sinks its teeth into my arm, sucking quickly and making me feel light-headed.  
  
The world is spinning.  
  
Until I feel the vampire's teeth release me.  
  
"We need to run." I hear Faith's voice faintly as she grabs me to keep me from falling.  
  
She holds on tight to me and ends up doing most of the running, I'm not even sure where we are.  
  
Things get even better as it starts to rain, soaking our clothing and slowing our pace.  
  
She pulls us into a store. It's abandoned just like everything else around here. Everyone's just left, or died, maybe both.  
  
Faith settles us down on the dirtied floor, her shoes making a squish sound as she does.  
  
"You're hurt."  
  
And dazed.  
  
Her fingers caress the broken skin where the two bleeding puncture wounds lie. It stings as she touches them.  
  
I feel like I'm going to faint. My eyelids drooping tiredly. She slaps the side of my face lightly to keep me awake.  
  
"Xander!"  
  
Faith actually sounds concerned.  
  
"Stay awake..." she tells me, "You'll be fine."  
  
I'm wondering if she's talking to me or herself. My eyes open to look at her.  
  
"Yeah." I make out in muttered speech.  
  
"I think we're safe. It didn't follow us." Faith tells me, ripping the bottom of her shirt into a rectangle shape to tie around my arm.  
  
"How'd you learn to do that?" I ask her.  
  
"Lotta things you learn in murder rehab." she says softly, making sure the bandage is tight but not tight enough to cut off circulation. "When you get to minimum security they teach you things... cleanin' up the neighborhood, first aid..." she explains.  
  
"Oh."  
  
She checks me over, "You okay, Harris?"  
  
I suddenly feel uncomfortable at her words and try to squirm away.  
  
"Fine. I'm fine."  
  
She draws her hands back from me.  
  
"Sure, and I'm the Queen of England." she retorts.  
  
"Why'd you ask the question if you already know?"  
  
She hesitates, pausing before she speaks.  
  
"Just what people do, I guess."  
  
I see her facial expression soften.  
  
"Yeah." I agree after a moment.  
  
We sit in silence. Sinking and waiting for the same thing. The end.  
  
"Is your face okay?" I ask her, reaching out to turn her face before pulling back and remembering that she didn't want to be touched.  
  
She touches the side of her face, "Wounds already closed." she tells me. Faith shivers slightly in the cold.  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"You tell me, you know this town better then I do."  
  
I look down and can't stop the words before they come out of my mouth, "I miss Sunnydale."  
  
Faith wears a small sympathetic smile for me.  
  
"Me too." she admits.  
  
I glance up to her, "Yeah?" I ask, returning the small smile.  
  
"Yeah... Nothin' like Boston or LA... It's just..." Faith trails off.  
  
"It's home." I finish, the tears wearing in my eyes, I push them back.  
  
Faith nods to me, "It is. Whatever home actually is. Never been too clear on the concept."  
  
She's honest. I value that.  
  
"Have to say I never thought you'd call any place home." I tell her as I lean against the wall.  
  
She laughs, her voice giving a slight ring.  
  
"Everyone has a home, Xander. One place you can go back to... Cause a bunch of mischief."  
  
I join her laughter for a moment.  
  
"It's gone." I say softly, looking down, "Sunnydale... It might as well be nothing."  
  
"We'll get it back." Faith replies just as softly, but assured.  
  
"No... You don't understand... it's just... gone." I bite my lower lip leaning against the wall.  
  
She looks thrown at my words.  
  
"It's not the place that you loved." I explained, "It's the people..." My throat starts to close in on me, "And they're just... gone."  
  
I try not to let go. People need me, I can't fall apart.  
  
"It's not your fault." I hear Faith's voice, still ringing slightly as she tries to meet my eyes.  
  
"You can't possibly believe that."  
  
"I do." she replies swiftly.  
  
"I killed Willow." I say the words for the first time, my throat aching and the words weighing me down.  
  
"I know."  
  
I look quickly to her, self hatred running through my own voice, "Then how can it possibly not be my fault?"  
  
Her voice is quiet and calm.  
  
"Because I know you, Harris, and I know you wouldn't kill one of your bestest friends for no reason."  
  
"So," I scoff, "Having a reason makes it better?"  
  
"Better then havin' no reason." She comments, trying to quickly bypass what she just said, "Look, you... you really love her a lot... I'm guessing it was a kill or be killed situation... and you were the one with the playin' card."  
  
I can't help but smile beyond my teary eyes, "You really do read people, don't you?"  
  
She laughs quietly and quickly, "Kinda have to if you want to hurt them... Sort of my specialty."  
  
I shake my head, putting my hand over hers, "You've changed."  
  
Faith smiles thinly, jumping slightly as I put my hand over hers, but quickly calming down.  
  
"I doubt you actually mean that." she says.  
  
I move closer to her, "I do mean that... A lot of things can happen in three years."  
  
She nods, "Angel, if it wasn't for him-"  
  
I interrupt her, "You did this on your own, Faith, he just gave you a push in the right direction."  
  
She swallows a breath and for a quick moment looks to me.  
  
"Thanks, Harris." she tries to shrug off my words.  
  
For reasons I can't explain why but I reach out and touch the side of her face, my hand gently covering her battle wounds.  
  
"I mean it, Faith." I tell her.  
  
She tentatively meets my eyes, covering my hand with hers.  
  
"I know." she breathes, her breath lingering over my skin as she leans in close, her fingertips trailing over my lips as she focuses on me intensely.  
  
And I lean in close to her.  
  
---------------- 


End file.
